Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Mad World

Not a great week so far for me. Beware, whiny post ahead.

I have a new strange flare thing happening for a while now but the last few days have been particularly uncomfortable. I am having a spasm in a jaw/facial muscle accompanied by pain and a hot/icy sensation. I know it is a nerve thing (having had them before) and it is pissing me off.

Hubby has also been pissing me off.
There. I. Said. It.

First, on Saturday he said something really hurtful. He realized it wayyyy fast, apologized repeatedly and profusely, but you know what? You can't unsay it. No rewind and do over switch.

I put that away to celebrate the birthday and all was fine, and it would have gone away at that if yesterday am didn't happen.

Hubby got in one of his pissy don't want to deal with driving the kids but mostly don't want to deal with your disease/RA/incovenience moods. He usually drives on Mondays as I take my methotrexate Sunday night. Of course all summer it was a non-issue, but now it is school time again.

It is a pain for him but I deliberately take the medicine then so it doesn't interfere with the weekend, and usually Mondays are quiet days around here. If Hubby isn't driving that means he drives the kids, drops the car back here at the house and then walks to the bus. I get it is annoying but I still don't need or deserve the mouthful of crap before he did it.

The RA is not my fault. I can't control it, and didn't choose it. Mornings have been and will always be bad. The WORST time of day for me. Pain, walking thru pea soup (fatigue), not good.

Then, this morning I get up thinking he is going on the bus and I don't feel like any crap from him so I am gonna do the kids and all he will have to do is get up and go.

He tells me 5 minutes before I leave that he needs the car.

WTF? Sooooooo, you let me get up do the kids etc, when EVERY other time you need the car you tell me the NIGHT BEFORE so I can SLEEP in and you just get up a little earlier do the kids and bolt straight away with the car.

How passive aggressive is that? I am totally pissed off.

THEN, let's add in the wonderful terrorism threat. They think that the cell and it's plan of bombing either subways or other sites in NYC is still in effect.

So, I get to be pissed off at Hubby AND a nervous wreck that something bad will happen to this man that carries my heart with his every day.

:::Sigh::: And, I am sore all over because rain is coming in. Dammit.

Oh yeah, I am a ball of freakin' sunshine today.

Pumpkin is bringing home her best pal, Penelope (nickname). I guess I have a little less than 2 hours to get over myself then.

Hammer is helping me do wash and gave me a nice shoulder rub. He is just the sweetest man-child ever. :-)

Okay... I think I feel a little better after venting for all of you.

A little... maybe another cup of coffee will help. And, since I am not driving anywhere anyhow a 1/2 a vicodin. :(

be well...


Indigo said...

Aww Dawn I'm sorry you're not feeling well hon. Guys are childish, simply put. They want to be loved and coddle and rarely want to have to deal with responsibility. When they do they whine.

Take Paul for example he got a cold, little bit of a cough and he was whiney wanting me to wait on him hand and foot. Me? I did the mothering thing and he got better. Now I'm sick with another lung infection (seems easier and easier with the Emphysema) and he's off on an overnight gig for two days.

Honestly I'm relieved I can take care of me now.

Here's to hoping the day gets better. (Hugs)Indigo

Call me Paul said...

Hi Dawn! Yeah, I'm a little bit lax in commenting. Sorry about that. I'm here reading all of your entries as you post them, though. Hope you feel better. Hope hubby gets over HIMSELF soon, too.

Cindi said...

RA just sucks.I know I have it....theres just so much crap you have to deal with....getting out of bed!!!! EVERY morning is a challenge...no one likes pain!...my hubby has had some moments with me...he knows it's mostly my pain that is talking when I snap at him...it's hard for the spouses, but that doesnt give your hubby permission to be mean...wipe the slate clean, start fresh...like you said you cant help you have RA...

Get the rest...clear your mind...
take care

Beth said...

I'm sorry you have to deal with this, Dawn. The RA is bad enough, and then to have to deal with a pissy attitude? Very upsetting. I hope that it's behind you both now, and you can move forward together. {{hugs}} Beth

Bucko (a.k.a., Ken) said...

Sorry about the RA, and the tifs with hubby, hope you can focus on the big picture and recapture your center.

Char said...

Sorry you are not well, Dawn. I hope you are feeling better soon.
Get some rest. ((hugs))

LYN said...


Marty said...

Hi Dawn,
I'll bet by now everything's OK but it sure stinks that you had to deal with crappy attitude, crappy weather and a crappy terrorist threat all at the same time.

Coelha :B said...

((((Dawn)))) I can feel your frustration, and I understand. If it makes you feel any better, my hubby is in the dog house too. His disrespectful, man child is in there with him. I hope the week ends better for the both of us! Hugs - Julie

ADB said...

Sorry you had so a dreadful day, Dawn. Hope the nerve thing goes away on its own - it came on its own. Have a great Thankful Thursday.

Traci said...

Vent away my dear! I bet Hammer will be a great husband since he has been raised by you! Hate when hubbies act like butts!