Mad World

Not a great week so far for me. Beware, whiny post ahead.

I have a new strange flare thing happening for a while now but the last few days have been particularly uncomfortable. I am having a spasm in a jaw/facial muscle accompanied by pain and a hot/icy sensation. I know it is a nerve thing (having had them before) and it is pissing me off.

Hubby has also been pissing me off.

_

There. I. Said. It.

First, on Saturday he said something really hurtful. He realized it wayyyy fast, apologized repeatedly and profusely, but you know what? You can't unsay it. No rewind and do over switch.

I put that away to celebrate the birthday and all was fine, and it would have gone away at that if yesterday am didn't happen.

Hubby got in one of his pissy don't want to deal with driving the kids but mostly don't want to deal with your disease/RA/incovenience moods. He usually drives on Mondays as I take my methotrexate Sunday night. Of course all summer it was a non-issue, but now it is school time again.

It is a pain for him but I deliberately take the medicine then so it doesn't interfere with the weekend, and usually Mondays are quiet days around here. If Hubby isn't driving that means he drives the kids, drops the car back here at the house and then walks to the bus. I get it is annoying but I still don't need or deserve the mouthful of crap before he did it.

The RA is not my fault. I can't control it, and didn't choose it. Mornings have been and will always be bad. The WORST time of day for me. Pain, walking thru pea soup (fatigue), not good.

Then, this morning I get up thinking he is going on the bus and I don't feel like any crap from him so I am gonna do the kids and all he will have to do is get up and go.

He tells me 5 minutes before I leave that he needs the car.

WTF? Sooooooo, you let me get up do the kids etc, when EVERY other time you need the car you tell me the NIGHT BEFORE so I can SLEEP in and you just get up a little earlier do the kids and bolt straight away with the car.

How passive aggressive is that? I am totally pissed off.

THEN, let's add in the wonderful terrorism threat. They think that the cell and it's plan of bombing either subways or other sites in NYC is still in effect.

So, I get to be pissed off at Hubby AND a nervous wreck that something bad will happen to this man that carries my heart with his every day.

:::Sigh::: And, I am sore all over because rain is coming in. Dammit.

Oh yeah, I am a ball of freakin' sunshine today.

Pumpkin is bringing home her best pal, Penelope (nickname). I guess I have a little less than 2 hours to get over myself then.

Hammer is helping me do wash and gave me a nice shoulder rub. He is just the sweetest man-child ever. :-)

Okay... I think I feel a little better after venting for all of you.

A little... maybe another cup of coffee will help. And, since I am not driving anywhere anyhow a 1/2 a vicodin. :(

be well...